This didn’t make the national news but information obtained from the municipal records of the North Pole indicate that Santa had an accident at his last stop on Christmas night. As a full time employee for the municipality of the North Pole, Santa had to fill out an accident report. Apparently, Santa has to go through the same bureaucratic mumbo jumbo that we all have to go through from time to time. Below is a copy of the accident report. I’m happy to convey that Santa is expected to make a full recovery for next Christmas.
I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put “poor planning” as the cause of my accident. You said in your email that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.
I delivered the gifts on Christmas as required in my job description and on Christmas night, at my last stop, I was working alone on the top of a high rise residential building. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the building, brought up about 400 pounds of extra toys. Rather than carry the toys down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to a pole at the top of the building.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the building and loaded the toys into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow decent of the 400 pounds of toys. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh only 250 pounds.
Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 20th story of the residential building, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of toys hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the toys, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the 20th story, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of toys and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the toys, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me… I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope.